10 Things Depression Has Taught Me
It wasn’t too long ago that my depression was a daily reality for me.
As I putter in the kitchen, the garden, or spend time with my family, it’s easy to forget how it consumed my life. Funny, it’s only when I write that I remember the crushing weight of hopelessness and despair and see how far I have come.
I should have written this a long time ago, but some lessons take longer to learn than you would like to admit. But I hope it helps you wherever you are in your journey with depression and gives you hope and encouragement to keep walking through this valley one step at a time.
1. It must be named.
As a young girl, I struggled with depression but had absolutely no idea what it was. I just knew rivers of darkness sometimes flooded over me, and if I hung on, it would eventually subside. Giving words to the unknown does two things: it brings light to a dark corner and understanding to confusion.
So often, I see people struggling with depression but hesitant to name it as such, as if naming it is a source of shame instead of healing. Maybe their theology doesn’t allow for depression, so calling it anything but what it is allows them to hide. Unfortunately, it also hinders healing.
2. It’s a symptom of a larger problem.
Depression rarely happens in a vacuum and is usually a sign of a deeper wound. But we tend to ignore the hidden wound and deal only with the surface pain that depression causes. If I were to break my leg, there would be two issues at hand: a broken leg and pain. If I chose to deal with the pain only, the problem of the broken leg won’t go away. With enough medication, I may be able to numb the pain, but the leg is still broken. Until the leg is properly reset and casted, the pain will reappear and never go away.
And so it is with depression.
“Depression is an outward sign of an inner struggle.”
We need to understand that depression is an outward sign of an inner struggle whether that struggle is biological, emotional, or spiritual, and then we must begin the deep work of finding out where it’s broken.
3. It looks differently for everyone.
When I was in a wave of depression, most of people around me didn’t notice. I still functioned at a high level as a mom, a worship leader, Sunday school leader, Bible study leader, and all the things. As a matter of fact, these activities were the perfect coping mechanism in dealing with my depression. By staying busy, I was able to avoid thinking and feeling deeply.
Sometimes we assume that those dealing with depression lay in bed all day doing nothing; and while that may be true from some, it’s not true of all. Everyone has a different coping mechanism for depression and often go to great lengths to hide their true feelings.
If you want to know if someone is struggling with depression, learn to listen. You will often find the clues you need when you take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying.
4. It’s often mistaken for grief.
Depression is deceiving in the sense that what we should call grief is labelled as depression.
Grief is defined as “deep sorrow” while depression is a “mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.” While the two are related, they are not the same thing, and it is very helpful to separate the two feelings.
In Biblical times, it was normal to express your grief by putting ashes on your head, tearing your clothes, wailing, and wearing a sackcloth. Can you imagine this happening in our world today?
Our North American culture does not make space for grief. We tend to value hardiness, and pride ourselves on pushing through pain, so we do our hair, put on our makeup and power through the day. I firmly believe that the more we shove grief down, the more it takes root in our souls and rises up as depression.
“I firmly believe that the more we shove grief down, the more it takes root in our souls and rises up as depression.”
What would it look if we allowed people to grieve without shame? What if we made space for uncomfortable displays of emotion?
It is good and healthy to grieve in the face of loss. While depression may be a part of the natural cycle of grief, the main difference is that healthy grieving moves on to peace while depression continues to haunt the mind.
5. It’s not always the enemy.
After my first session with my counsellor, she looked at me and said, “Well, no wonder you are depressed! I would be too if I had to go through everything you went through! I would be more concerned if you weren’t depressed!” And that’s when I realized that depression has its place in the list of emotions.
As a matter of fact, if you have experienced trauma or grief and have NOT experienced depression, I would be concerned about you too! Depression is a natural emotion to experience when life has wounded you, and it can be a gift when it causes you to stop spinning in all directions, slow down, and take the time to work through trauma or hurt. Depression can be an ally and not a foe if it points us to healing, causes us to pray, drives us closer to God, and creates empathy and compassion for the hurting.
“Depression can be an ally and not a foe if it points us to healing, causes us to pray, drives us closer to God, and creates empathy and compassion for the hurting.”
If we hold to the idea that depression is bad or sinful, we will often bury it which only leads to more layers of depression. And like an abscessed wound, it will need intervention before it can heal.
One of my favorite Psalms to read when I’m feeling a little down is Psalms 55. It comforts me to know that even a king as great as David struggled with overwhelming emotions and names each one as it comes.
“Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, “Oh , that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.” (verses 1-6)
He doesn’t sugar coat his feelings or try to put on a brave face; He knows God can handle his honesty. And if you read to the end of the Psalms, you see that David remembers where to place the weight of his burden, and he remembers he has a God who loves and cares for him.
“But as for me, I trust in You.” Psalms 55:23
But as for me, I trust in you.”
Psalms 55:23