4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Life When It Falls Apart
I simply couldn’t hold on anymore. It had been a rough few years. Bit by bit, I felt God chipping away at the weak spots in my life – areas I had built on sandy soil instead of a firm foundation. Even though I grew up in the church, I had an inaccurate view of God and therefore, an inaccurate view of myself. I knew Bible verse after Bible verse but didn’t really know God. My theology was stuck in my head never having made its way into my heart.
It was a recipe for destruction. And when my foundation crumbled, I was left wondering what to do next.
How do you rebuild when life falls apart?
A decade later, I feel like I finally understand what caused my world to crumble and expose the lies that held it together.
In the book of Nehemiah, we read the story of a man burdened to rebuild the broken walls of Jerusalem. It’s a beautiful picture of the restorative work God longs to do in each of our lives when the rains have come and washed away our poorly built ‘homes’.
1. Grieve
When Nehemiah heard the condition of Jerusalem with its broken walls and gates, he “sat down and wept. For some days, I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.” (Nehemiah 1:4 NIV)
Too often, when our life falls apart, we enter panic mode and try to keep the walls from falling. Even as the roof caves in and the floor tears up, we run to and fro, trying to patch it all together while desperately maintaining the façade of a perfect life.
But the best thing we can do is stop and grieve.
Grieve the loss of what was – or rather, what you thought it was – and weep.
When Nehemiah heard the news about Jerusalem, he was overcome with emotion. He didn’t immediately rush to Jerusalem to rebuild; but rather, he spent time in prayer and fasting while processing the loss.
Rushing into rebuilding only leads to poor planning. Take the time to mourn your loss, process the pain and devastation, and let it lead you straight into the arms of Jesus.
Rushing into rebuilding only leads to poor planning.
2. Repent
“I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s house have committed against you. We have acted very wickedly towards you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees, and laws you gave your servant Moses.” (Nehemiah 1:6 NIV)
In his prayer, Nehemiah repents – not just of his sins, but also for the sins of his people. He took personal responsibility for the ruin of Jerusalem, understanding that the current state of the city was connected to sin and rebellion.
Walls don’t crumble without reason.
Walls don’t crumble with out reason.
My life fell apart because I had built it on lies, pride, and love of self. When I realized this, it was time to repent and take responsibility for my poor choices. I alone was responsible for the damage which had occurred, and I needed to own it.
To repent means to acknowledge you’re heading in the wrong direction, and then to TURN AWAY from it and head in the opposite direction. I was headed in the wrong direction. It was only when life fell apart that I could see this truth and make the decision to turn another way.
In the end, my destruction was a gift giving me the opportunity to try again.
3. Inspect the Damage
It wasn’t enough to repent of my sin, I also needed to understand ‘why’. What drove me to behave the way I did? What motivated me? What lies had I believed? What were my idols?
At some point, I needed to take stock of the rubble before me and assess the damage.
In Nehemiah 2:11-15, Nehemiah takes a nighttime ride through the city making note of the destruction before him. Riding from one end of the city to the other with a few trusted men, he noted the damage and assessed the situation objectively.
I didn’t know where to start assessing my ruins, but thankfully, I was referred to a counsellor. Counselling can be tremendously helpful as it gives us an opportunity to unpack the thought processes deeply entwined in our consciousness and allows a trained professional to spot the lies and inconsistencies in our thinking.
Little by little, I began to sort out the lies I believed and false ideas to which I clung.
I also began studying the Bible with a fresh set of eyes– in fact, I developed a hunger for it unlike anything I had previously experienced. I wanted to know God personally and intimately – not from a distance. I devoured Bible study after Bible study even if it meant waking up early to attend (I am not an early morning person so that was unusual for me!)
Through His Word, God began showing me a clearer picture of who He was and exposed areas in my theology that desperately needed to be torn out and replaced.
4. Clear the Rubble
You cannot begin to build without first clearing the rubble.
When Jim and I were renovating our home, I quickly learned that the hardest part of the job was tearing apart the old room until it was stripped bare. Ripping out old flooring, pulling up rusty nails, and discarding the garbage were huge, messy tasks but absolutely necessary! There was no way we could begin rebuilding until every scrap of the OLD was carted away.
Clearing the rubble might mean you get rid of the things that hinder you from moving on. Whether this is:
unhealthy habits,
worthless thoughts,
toxic relationships
false theology
We need to toss out whatever contributed to the downfall and keeps us from rebuilding.
Does this seem overwhelming to you?
It did to me.
Many days were full of tears and regret, but they were also full of grace and beauty. It was painstaking work requiring a patience I didn’t naturally have on my own.
Thankfully, God doesn’t expect us to do this work in our own strength and wisdom. Rather, He walks each painful step of the way with us pouring His love and strength into our weary hearts.
In the end, the unmaking of me was only the beginning, and became an invitation from God to draw nearer into a deeper walk with Him. It was only when the dust had settled, that I could echo the words of Job when he declared,
“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5
Photo courtesy of @chronisyan at Unsplash